Dear John From Cincinnati

Dear John from Cincinnati,
I'm not sure I should be seeing you any more. What's it been now, almost six weeks? And I hardly know you. I can't figure out if you're a prophet or some sort of Christ, an alien, a mentally deficient person, or some sort of goofball, or just some over-hyped zero.

All I know is that you claim you're "John from Cincinnati," though you have nothing to do with that Ohio town. And that you hang a really screwed up Southern California surfer family, folks that I just don't care about and, after all this time, don't want to get to know any better. Your surfing entourage certainly isn't as interesting as "Entourage." There's not a Tony Soprano-like character in the bunch who I can't wait to see each week.

I'm thinking of calling it quits, but I'll give you one more chance. Actor Austin Nichols, who claims to know you very well, says this week that we'll learn a lot more about John from Cincinnati after a lot of crazy stuff happens. (The official line from HBO is that John helps Bill (Ed O'Neill) and Cissy (Rebecca De Mornay) face up to their pasts.) Frankly, I'm just about to the point where I don't care.

You'd better bring it on, John from Cincinnati, or it's over between us.... Unless somebody here can talk me into sticking with you, and convinces me that you're worth the investment of my time and emotions.... So what's it going to be?

Signed,
Hugs & Kieses